I guess you could say I've always been one. Maybe I'm just more in touch with that side of me at this point in my life.
I want my husband, dogs, family, friends, acquaintances to all be happy. To the point it causes me great anxiety.
I've let some important people down in the past. Rob before we were married. My family when I got married without them present or knowing. Again when I didn't tell them right away I was a Mrs. My friends when I could not always be there for them when they needed me the most. Or when my actions had a negative effect on their life.
This weighs on me like a serious burden. I'm only one person. It's extremely unrealistic for me to expect to always make everyone happy and yet I still try. Day in and day out.
Because of this failure, unacceptance and a lack of general support hurt me to the core.. I feel it emotionally and physically. It completely hinders me. But yet I can't get over it.
I care way to much what everyone thinks of me and the attitude they have towards me.
I sit in this house in Georgia. I belittle myself and beat myself up for letting other people down. Who gets to see it? Rob. He gets the responsibility of telling me I don't need acceptance from anyone as long as I'm content with my decisions and actions. The responsibility of telling me he loves me and is there for me. Has faith in me. Feels confident in our decisions. That's not fair to him.
I don't know why I feel the need to please so many. I don't know why the acceptance and the support is needed so much. I don't know why it gets me so blue.
All I know is. I need to focus on making decisions for me. My husband. Our little family. Being confident in our decisions. Our life journeys. Even if they aren't in the best interest of other important people in my life.
Especially since no matter what there is always that one person trying to rain on the parade.. that one person not content.
It's my life, and I want to live it how I want to live it.