Me - in my unfiltered, everyday iPhone quality glory.
You walked past me with your boyfriend. I had just put the cart away and was headed back to my husband and babies in our truck. I heard you say "ew" as we passed. You may or may not have said it about me... but I've spent the entire day wondering.
You see today I got dressed in white mid-thigh shorts, a coral tank top and mint t-shirt. I put on makeup, braided my hair into a fancy bun and I was feeling pretty good about myself. I was feeling a little flatter, a little tighter and a little lighter as the scale gave me a smaller number just that morning. I walked out the door to run a few errands feeling confident.
But when I heard the word "ew" slip out of your mouth, it knocked me down. I'm not a super confident person. I am very aware that my legs are super white and a bit flabby. I know that some of my pants give me a muffin top. I know that certain colors clash with my red hair. I know that my boobs aren't as perky as they once were. I know I will never be a size 2, 4, 6, or even 8.
I've spent the entire day thinking about you. I've let what I may or may not have heard and what may or may not have been about me linger in my mind for far too long. You - someone that knows absolutely nothing about me - got to me.
What you don't know is I just had a baby two months ago. My second baby. That's right, this imperfect body has delivered two healthy, beautiful baby girls. Sure, it isn't where it could be at this point in time and frankly it probably will never be the body I had when I was your age. But it's a body I deserve to walk around in confidently.
After spending the whole day tossing that simple two-letter word around in my mind I realized I was letting it bother me more than it should. My self-confidence should not be defined by what some stranger thinks.
I felt great. My husband hitting on me, made me feel good. Looking in the mirror and seeing my reflection, I felt confident. And really, that is all that matters.
So yes, I have some work to do. My self-confidence needs work. Thank you for knocking me down just enough to see what matters in life. Because you strange person... and your opinion don't really matter at the end of the day.
This post was written over a month ago.