Tuesday, May 8, 2012

I draw the line.

So this evening I had an "I draw the line" moment.  For the first time in my online existence I contemplated giving up my beloved Twitter, Facebook and even my blog.  One could say I am fed up with the way women/military spouses/twitter-ers/facebook-ers/bloggers treat each other.

A couple of months ago a women posted a blog that created a HUGE uproar.  And for good reason.  She was way out of line with her post.  But that isn't at all what truly upset me.  I was online the night that all blew up and I was reading the things WOMEN, other military spouses, were saying about this other woman and I was shocked.  So someone uses her blog to go off on a tangent that is completely inappropriate for the internet and it is okay for other women to in turn call her names?  Names I am sure they would not say to her face if given the chance.  Names I am sure their husband/parents/children would be shocked to hear used to describe anyone, let alone another woman.  Names that make the name-caller look vulgar and disrespectful.

Or how about the fact that women on my favorite Facebook military spouse support page are literally being harassed in e-mails from another spouse from another page.  When did it become acceptable to send messages to people, once again hiding behind our computers, and threaten them?  Wait, aren't we all adults?  Or did I miss something where we reverted back to childish natures to essentially create unnecessary drama?  Not to mention no matter what support page(s) you frequent, every single one has the same idea behind them.. SUPPORT. EACH. OTHER.  So what gives?  Why bash others?

The final straw was tonight as I sat on Twitter and realized that yet again there was a Twitter "battle" going on with someone giving someone/a group/company an attitude over something far more appropriate for a message or if nothing else better left unsaid.  Would that person be that rude in person?  I highly doubt it.. so why the lip on Twitter?  Does it make people feel better?

I'm at a loss.  When I married my husband I knew that it was not just me I was representing anymore.  I now represent him, our name and even the military.  For the first time I had to be conscious of what I was saying or how I was acting as it was not just me that would be looked down upon if I messed up, and believe me when I say that I'm a fiery redhead.. that is beyond hard for me sometimes.  I know it is terribly cliche, but I'm a military spouse and with that comes a certain amount of dignity.. that does not include hiding behind a computer belittling other women.  When did this become so acceptable?

Am I just overreacting or is this a valid concern here?


P.S. I love the military spouse community I am apart of on Twitter, Facebook and through this blog.  There are so many women that make me feel proud to be a military spouse... so please don't ever doubt that I believe in the excellent women that make up this community.  What I don't believe in is not treating others the way you would want to be treated.

Always,
Amanda

6 comments:

  1. I will say, "No, don't go!" But I feel you on the overexposure by way of too many fingers in the darn kitchen pot. I was recently added to that/this/the Facebook group for milbloggers - ya think...oh okay, cool, meet people (and I did - someone from my area). But then conversations get boring, and I quit reading, and wonder why I'm there.

    I think what I'm trying to say is that I love and read your blog because I like it (and the hair color doesn't hurt). ;) While I'm hanging on the posting wagon with a few pieces of tape just because I'm busy, I know I don't want to write anything that's not hilarious or true or meant to soapbox (or...or...or - I could go on).

    I'll give you Twitter (mainly because mine has thick cobwebs - maybe I should kill that this weekend...)

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  2. I think your concerns are valid and I agree. BUT I think your concerns are the reason you should stay online. There needs to be more positive influences in the blog world and in the military spouse world.

    Regardless of your decision, I like reading your blog because you seem genuine and I'm always thrilled to find fellow mil-spouses to relate to.

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  3. Oh please don't go! I love reading your blog. But I totally understand. I see things like this happen on a daily basis, from adults as well as teens. It's cyber bullying and I think some people feel more secure saying things online or anonymous because they think it cannot be traced back to them. Unfortunately they are wrong, anything that is posted online can be traced back to anyone and once it's said online, it's there forever. I preach to my students to always treat someone the way you want to be treated, even on line. Trust me I have had to hold my tongue a few times with the stupid things people put online, but I also know that I would never say something to their face, so why would I do it online? What does it prove? Nothing. I think you are right in the fact that there are some AMAZING milspouses out there (you included) but unfortunately the bad ones generally take the spotlight away from the good ones, and can possibly ruin it for everyone.
    Keep your head up. Remember they were probably bullies or were bullied when they were younger and they haven't learned to grow up yet. Sorry, I didn't mean to rant, it just struck a nerve in me. :)

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  4. I can understand this feeling... It's not just the military side of it. It's everything! People write things that they wouldn't normally say. I've had awkward confrontations and conversations that came completely from online because in real life that person would never have the courage or the humanity to say what they were thinking to my face. Aside from the drug use and free love I should have been a hippie. I believe in peace and love every time! And I'd miss you so much if you left me! xo

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  5. I have been a militay spouse for 25 years of my husbands 30 year military career. I have learned that he is responsible for the things that I (and our children) do and say. Many young spouses and especially children do not understand that their spouse or parent is responsible for their actions in person, or in cyber space. Being a military spouse is a privilege which carries responsibilities. Our spouse took an oath to put this country first, I believe it goes something like this,

    "I, (NAME), do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I will support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic; that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same; and that I will obey the orders of the President of the United States and the orders of the officers appointed over me, according to regulations and the Uniform Code of Military Justice. So help me God."

    May be I did not exactly swear with my hand on my chest to to this but I did, the day I married my husband, the day we became one, our wedding day. Miitary spouses need to understand that if they married thier spouse the day the got married they agreed to this oath, if thier spouse already in the military, or the day thier spouse enlisted or was commissiond if they were married first.

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  6. I've felt much the same over the past week or so. It's disappointing and frustrating.

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