Wednesday, December 12, 2012

I'm young and friends are wanted.

"Live fast, die young and leave a good looking corpse." 
-John Derek

One of the hardest things I have had to deal with in regards to moving from Kansas to Georgia is leaving my friends, my family and the known, again.  Georgia is great.  Being with my husband and dogs in our own little house is great.  But not having friends to call up last minute and go get drinks with or my parents around to help with the dogs if Rob and I want to take a day trip.. among so many other reasons... is hard.

When I moved from Kansas to Maryland to join Rob.. I was fortunate enough to kind of walk into a great group of friends.  We had our differences.  Many of us didn't have children.  Almost everyone was under the age of 30.  Rob had already been in Maryland for over a year, so he knew many of the husbands already which made it that much easier for the wives to naturally get along.  I had that support needed.  In fact I was at a company FRG meeting when I found out one of my grandpa's had passed away.  If you've never seen a group of Army wives come together when someone has an emergency, then you haven't been around the military long enough.

So maybe I had my expectations set really high about moving here.  I thought, it can't be THAT different.  Oh yes Amanda, it can.  I've kind of touched on this before.. but Fort Gordon is a rather large base (bigger than Meade at least) that consists of a lot of AIT students and a lot of higher enlisted/officers.  Which poses a problem because you can't all intermingle.  So I can be friends with the AIT students wife, but our husbands can never hang out.  I can be friends with the officers wife, but our husbands can never hang out.  Makes it kind of hard to do normal married couple with friends things.

The other issue that I've noticed in regards to this is age.  I'm 22.  Rob is 22.  He enlisted straight out of high school and has 4 years under his belt.  At one point he was one of the youngest if not the youngest person at his rank in the entire Army.  So when you look at other 22 year olds... they are either fresh into the military as a student or at a lower rank.  Or they have kids.  Not that I hold anything against those women for starting a family young... it's just not me, yet.

Where do I fit in then?  A married 22 year old with 2 dogs, no kids and a husband on the fast track to making his military career above standard.  I want to build that support I have in Kansas.  The support I had in Maryland.  But I'm just not finding it here at Ft. Gordon yet and we've been here since July.  I've tried clubs on post and Facebook pages associated with post.  I have gone to lunch with a few different girls.  Out of all of my effort I have one person from post that I can go to lunch with and talk to.  But she won't be here forever as her husband is done with AIT soon.  Then what am I to do?

I'm just at a loss.  I made friends easily in high school.  Then made friends easily at the community college I went to.  When I left Kansas I made friends easily at Ft. Meade.  Heck I even made friends when I lived in Kansas while Rob was deployed... but now here I am six months into this adventure at Fort Gordon and I am not making friends like I have in the past.

I guess it is just something you learn to deal with.  I can't obviously change the fact that I am young and my husband is a superstar (not that I would want to!)... hopefully shortly after the new year I will land a job to preoccupy my mind.. so I don't spend days like today thinking about all that I wish I had here in Georgia.

Regardless of who I can consider a friend though.. I am thankful to have my husband.  I can call him my best friend and mean it.  He knew that so far this twelfth day of the twelfth month of this twelfth year of this century (tongue twister much? Had to incorporate it!) was not going quite how I hoped and he swooped in and took me out to lunch.  I am blessed and I know it.

But being young and not having a huge Georgia support group is really weighing on me.


P.S. I'm sending a special shout out to the one cousin I have here in Augusta.  She's great and I am thankful she is here.  When our schedules work out the same way we can go shopping, get food and just hang out.  I know many military individuals don't get this luxury so I'm soaking it up while I can and trying not to think about the fact she won't be here forever.  (Wait, neither will I!)

Always,
Amanda

12 comments:

  1. I definitely feel you girl! As an adult, I have found that it is much more difficult for me to make friends. I always had friends in high school and college, but now, as a married gal, I seem to have fewer "call at the last minute" friends. I have several good friends that I talk to fairly regularly, but no one that I just hang out with all the time. Like you, I have my husband, and he is my very best friend. But, its just not the same as having those great girlfriends!

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  2. We are kind of in an opposite situation...My husband joined way late and we had kids later so we don't fit in with the norm in the military or the same ranks in our age group. :(
    I feel for you and I hope you can meet a genuine group of friends soon!!

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  3. Take classes at a community college there or take "courses" on something you like even if they do not count toward your degree. It will be beneficial to try and meet people outside of the Military like you have/had in KC. The easiest and best way to make friends to be in class together. You'll all there for a similar reason and therefore have compatibility on some regards, especially if you're taking a class of interest.

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  4. It's hard! I'm 26 with no kids, we basically have to hang out with younger couples. My husband is a few years younger so they're usually closer to his age. But it definitely feels like everyone we meet makes me feel old or makes me feel like I need to have babies to fit in.

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  5. I felt the same way when I moved to Japan. My husband has been in 8 years so even though we were newlyweds everyone else our age had at least 2 kids. Now that we're having our first baby I feel so strange because every other first time mom on base is only 20-22 and I'm 26, almost 27! I don't have anywhere that I "fit in" or a group of friends to hang out with. However I have managed to find a few good friends that I know I'm lucky to have. I hope you can find your niche at your new base!

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  6. I don't know why it gets tougher, but the same thing happened to me too. It took about six(ish) months of living here before I met my first friend. And that was at a library time. We hung out nonstop after that. And then I met a few "gateway" friends. (Friends who end up introducing you to their friends and then those friends turn out to be better friends to you than the original friend. I know, I speak my own language over here.) Anyways, the POINT of all of this (because there is one!) is to not say no to anything (ok, within reason obvs). I knew that the gateway friends were not "my type of people" that I would consider hanging out with every day, but thanks to being open to doing a few things together, I was able to meet better friends. And while I met my first friend at library time (thanks to Sam), maybe you could hit up the local dog park at its hottest hour? Then you'd be guaranteed to have something in common with whoever you meet there. That's as close as I can get to thinking of something that would be the dog equivalent to library time. LOL

    I hope you make some special friends soon. It's tough and I wish that it was as easy as it was in high school/college! :(

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  7. My husband and I have been struggling to make friends where we are currently, too! It's not that easy when you don't have school and you're in a whole new place. We don't feel at home where we are because we really haven't been able to put down roots--I'm just hoping that the next place we go we can really be at home and make some "bosom buddies"!

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  8. :( Awww I'm sorry! I wish I lived closer, we could hang out then :) I think as a general rule it gets harder as we get older to make friends. People get so stuck in their ways and refuse to branch out. I hope it gets better for you soon! Hang in there! I'm sure you will find that great friend soon!
    P.S. hopefully you can reply to me now :)

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  9. I'd be your friend! Granted, yes, I am 30 and we do have kids, but I like to just have ladies nights out.

    I'm shy so it can be difficult for me to make friends.

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  10. I seriously could have written this almost word for word myself. We are 24 and we are always the ONLY people who don't have kids. Umm wtf, I'm sorry but a 20 year old has no business having kids, why does everyone in the military want to pump out kids at totally inappropriate ages? We have no friends. It sucks. I've made a few acquaintances, but no friends. And even acquaintances are few and far between. Most of the other wives are downright awful and I avoid like the plague. And, their husbands are pretty horrible too. Just trashy, low class people that you don't want to be around. Well unless of course you think it's appropriate to throw a cup of your own urine on someone in a fight. Oh yeah, that happened with one of Daniel's co-workers and his wife. In public, middle of downtown. Miserable people. I really love Hawaii itself, but not getting to hangout with a single friend for two years has been tough. I think we just need to be stationed together.

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  11. Hang in there. I am having a harder time at Meade than I ever have in the past. I think its because we there arent any young (younger than 50) people in the neighborhood that we bought in. Oh well. Such is military life, I guess!

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  12. I'm sorry it's been a struggle for you. :(
    I agree with the commenter about taking a local class, college or community or otherwise. It's a great way to meet people and get involved. When I went to college and needed to find friends, I joined the SCA (Society for Creative Anachronism) and found a great group of folks to kill time with!

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