I'm a people pleaser.

I guess you could say I've always been one. Maybe I'm just more in touch with that side of me at this point in my life.

I want my husband, dogs, family, friends, acquaintances to all be happy. To the point it causes me great anxiety.

I've let some important people down in the past. Rob before we were married. My family when I got married without them present or knowing. Again when I didn't tell them right away I was a Mrs. My friends when I could not always be there for them when they needed me the most. Or when my actions had a negative effect on their life.

This weighs on me like a serious burden. I'm only one person. It's extremely unrealistic for me to expect to always make everyone happy and yet I still try. Day in and day out.

Because of this failure, unacceptance and a lack of general support hurt me to the core.. I feel it emotionally and physically. It completely hinders me. But yet I can't get over it.

I care way to much what everyone thinks of me and the attitude they have towards me.

I sit in this house in Georgia. I belittle myself and beat myself up for letting other people down. Who gets to see it? Rob. He gets the responsibility of telling me I don't need acceptance from anyone as long as I'm content with my decisions and actions.  The responsibility of telling me he loves me and is there for me.  Has faith in me. Feels confident in our decisions.  That's not fair to him.

I don't know why I feel the need to please so many. I don't know why the acceptance and the support is needed so much. I don't know why it gets me so blue.

All I know is.  I need to focus on making decisions for me.  My husband. Our little family.  Being confident in our decisions.  Our life journeys.  Even if they aren't in the best interest of other important people in my life.

Especially since no matter what there is always that one person trying to rain on the parade.. that one person not content.

It's my life, and I want to live it how I want to live it.

Source.

P.S. If this is taken as a personal stab by anyone.. get out of here.  That's not the point of this post.  If you feel guilt though, then maybe you need to look at your expectations of people?  Otherwise it is a general reflection of what I view as a personal flaw in my life.

I'm a people pleaser. I guess you could say I've always been one. Maybe I'm just more in touch with that side of me at this po...

It's Thur-Friday!  My third favorite day of the week (first being Friday, because I can sleep in with no alarm clock, second being Saturday, cause I have freedom) all because it is the last work day of the work week!  Which is what I, of course, had to remind myself as I rolled out of bed at the unfortunate time of too-early-for-Amanda this morning.  I was greeted by a chilly (read.. cold) cloudy morning.  Ideal for staying in bed with your fur friend, reading books and possibly more than likely sleeping.  Duty calls my friend and that work place just can't survive without me.  And that is the truth.

Anyway I had one task to accomplish today.  Mail out bachelorette party invitations for my best friend (sorry it took me so long Al!) over my lunch break.  And what do you know.. them post office people pulled a fast one on me.  It went down like this... I get to the counter, she rings up the other little package I was sending out.  I tell her I need stamps for the invitations (the stack was sitting in front of me..) and oh by the way can I mail them with these slightly raised stickers on there?  She informs me it will cost more to mail them because of the stickers.  I am like okay, I will just remove them.  So she goes and gets the stamps and comes back with 65 cent stamps.  Wait.. what?  I am removing the stickers... her response was that because the invitations are square it will cost more to send them.  Mind you, that is 20 cents more than normal stamp prices.  Unfortunately I was not feeling too fiery so I didn't argue her but take a look at this picture of the invitation envelopes (white) and a regular card envelope (purple) next to each other:
Need further proof?  Here is the envelopes on top of each other:
Oh and please look at how fortunate I am to be my Mother's daughter.. she is by far the youngest looking 51 year old I know!
Tomorrow we will celebrate together by seeing Titanic 3-D... my first 3-D movie (I am excited about everything BUT the price.. yikes) and going to dinner.  Otherwise this weekend is looking like homework, rainy weather and cleaning!  Story of my life.  :)

Hope everyone else has a darn good weekend!  YOU deserve it!

Amanda

It's Thur-Friday!  My third favorite day of the week (first being Friday, because I can sleep in with no alarm clock, seco...

So OBVIOUSLY I am going to have my crazy, freak out, hate the world (practically), no good very bad days.. sometimes.  Or two or three days.

Thursday was awful.  That's all there is to it.  I woke up feeling like poo (for lack of a better word..) but still had to work.  I was managing up until I got home on my lunch break.. took the dog out.. cooked some lunch.. sat down to watch TV and possibly take a quick catnap to help me feel better.  AND THEN.  I discovered that my Directv was out.  Great.  So I tried to troubleshoot.. ended up on the phone with them most of my lunch break.  Only to find out that the hard-drive was "fried" on my DVR/receiver box.  And they would SHIP one to me.. really?!  Who does that?  Send a technician out and get it fixed ya bums.  Anyway this basically all led to a meltdown.  All during my lunch break mind youuu... If it ain't one thing it's always without a doubt another.  And when all you've got for entertainment is the dog, internet and tv.. then it's HUGE when one of the three is missing.  Ya know?

On a good note, I did meet up with one of my best friends for dinner and some shopping.. and it helped the evening end on a high note.  Thank goodness!  Oh, and I found the dress I am wearing to my birthday/Rob's birthday/Rob home for R&R party.  Saweeet.. check that sucker off the list.. :)

Friday (AKA yesterday..).. I went to the post office to mail some packages off.  I had just come from Walmart.. was packing all my stuff up AT the post office.  Like I always do.. when it dawned on me that I didn't have two of the addresses I needed with me.  Really?? Fantastic.. still spent $50 to send 3 packages out, get a book of stamps and buy a box.  Ouch.. and prices go up on Monday morning.. hello what about us frequent shoppers over here?  Discount please?!

Since we were without anything satellite related Friday evening I decided to Redbox some movies, eat some pasta and be lazy.. so off the dog and I go to pick up the two DVDs I reserved at the Walgreens five minutes away (highly suggest both Horrible Bosses ((I literally laughed out loud..)) and Ides of March) and a cherry limeade (hey.. EVERYONE was tweeting about Sonic for some reason.. and prompted my unusual craving).  I get back to the complex.. and some car I don't recognize is parked in my COVERED, RESERVED parking spot.  Oh heck no, Idaho!  Number one way to make my blood boil... make me put extra work in for something I shouldn't have to.  So I ran upstairs and jotted a friendly fake-friendly note that said "this parking spot is reserved, but NOT FOR YOU." and slid it beneath the windshield wiper of said unknown car.  Then I waited.. and waited.. and waited.  Finally when I was done with both of my movies and getting ready to take Piston out for his last potty of the evening I noticed that it was gone!  Yipeeeee!  But so not cool whichever neighbor it was that did not tell your guest to not park in the RESERVED spots.  You aren't my friend.

Today was a fun filled adventure with my family.  We were invited to the VA hospital about 3 or so hours away.. so it was a roadtrip/sleeptrip.  Anyway they were having a ceremony to honor all of the veterans that had passed away within the last six months.  For those of you that are new (ish) readers.. my Grandpa passed away in August (read about it hereeee.) and while it's still fresh for the most part, I've managed to move on as much as possible.  Except when I hear Taps (I feel it is that way for every mil spouse/girlfriend/friend/acquaintance/etc?)(which they played at the very end.. gets me everytime!!!) or think about the countless other things that are Grandpa-isms.  So 92% of the time I'm okay.. 8% of the time something catches me off guard that makes me want to give him just one more hug.  Anywayyy.. before my extremely emotional self starts crying (too late..), it was a GREAT way to honor him.  He was so very proud of his military service, and as in every situation it was amazing for it to be recognized.

By the time we got home.. we were all exhausted and slightly intoxicated from the margaritas at dinner.  And much to my surprise.. we were greeted with my AWESOME (use that term loosely) neighbor and his party.. what the heck man. I know it's Saturday.. but quiet hours start at 10 pm and some of us don't want to hear your base through the wall or the yelling/screaming/laughter coming from your apartment.  So at 11:30 I pulled the plug.  That's right, I was THAT person.. I made the phone call to the police.  Within 15 minutes it was quiet.  I don't think I'd be so mean  if it weren't for two things.. a.) my husband is deployed.  SO I am already high strung.. all it takes is a simple push and I am over the edge.. (which Directv got me to that point.. by having system maintenance when I wanted to set my new box up!!!) b.) this AWESOME neighbor has NEVER talked to me.. not even said hello.  So why would I cut him some slack when he wants to be obnoxious?? Oh right.. I wouldn't.  I'm not going to be nice if you aren't either.  But I do have a conscious.. so I hope it wasn't his birthday or something...

And the final straw on the top of the stack.. my little big bundle of fir/warmth is boarded for the night as I got home too late to pick him up.. I hate being here aloneeee... ahh.


Alright y'all ranting.. OVER.
Such good people for reading through.
Or did you?
:)

So OBVIOUSLY I am going to have my crazy, freak out, hate the world (practically), no good very bad days.. sometimes.  Or two or three days....